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This year signifies a ten-year milestone since the word “disappearing” entered the common lexicon. Initially, the notion that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the height of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a mate has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes pointless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by online slang.

Gen Z, a demographic who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a concerted assault on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier environment than their millennial predecessors could ever imagine. And so their dating glossary has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive glossary to the words Zoomers is using to talk about romance, sex and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the end of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – In the view of gen Z, dating’s gold standard is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon loosely based on a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s reply is interested or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This signifies seeking out someone who supports you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people connect while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do affordable dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional affluence, it refers to partners who choose against having children to focus on their own happiness. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The opposite of acting aloof: utilizing dialogue, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Flags

• Danger signals – Behavioral quirks indicating a potential partner is not right. Such as calling their exes unstable, poor gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks confirm your decision to date a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, having a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe niche, largely harmless idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their purse, paying the rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same things or individuals that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The rare partner who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally postponing climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and frequently trivial turnoffs that immediately shut down any feelings of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely romantic gesture.

J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z prefer fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance realistic.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {